Thursday, September 1, 2011

{ Post Date Interview #2: ASHLEY & PETE }

39 comments:

Paige said...

Ashley is so great. Thank you for putting yourself out there! Good things will come from this even if you don't find "the one". I still have hope that something will work out for you with this process. ( Pete seemed like a great guy.)

Caity said...

It does NOT sound easy at all. I'm so sorry to hear about all of your struggles. Hey, it's your life! Not any of ours! Do what's right for you. Sure, we all have our own opinions but that's just because it's fun. In the end everyone just wants you to be happy...with or without a man.

The Cutest Allens Ever! said...

Wow Ashley you really opened up in the end there. Good for you! I was sad to here that some guys said no to a 2nd date! I know you already know this, but you are better off with out them!;] Keep following your heart. Good luck!;]

Laura and Adam said...

I can't imagine how intense this whole Bachelorette experience must be for Ashley and the guys. If guys turned Ashley down for a second date, it is probably because this whole thing is so intense (becoming recognized by strangers, seeing a girl you're dating date other guys). Ashley has such a good head on her shoulders. I admire her honesty and courage.

korth fam said...

I liked this interview! I think you have a great perspective Ashley! Eternal Marriage is at stake and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it has to be perfect for you! Way to go girl!

Lindy said...

Ashley~ For what it is worth, I think you are brave to be so open and honest. I appreciate your example and your willingness to share this process with a bunch of people you don't know. You're right. Whatever happens, you will be a better person for this experience and you are wise to see that through the trials. Hang in there! *HUGS*

Bre said...

Ashley, I know you are going to find someone amazing, whether through the show or not! I've loved how you've always kept the Lord involved through this whole process. You're a great example to lots of people out there.

Em-Cat said...

Ashley - you're a strong girl. I'm impressed how poised you are through all this. Whatever happens I can see you'll find joy and satisfaction with your life. Good luck!

Matt Laidlaw said...

Ashley, I have been watching all of your dates and I feel like I am always giving you advise in my head, but not doing my job that was given to me by the TMB Gods. So as one of the official members of the advisory couple I will give you my thoughts on what I have seen thus far.

LOOSEN UP! (I'm saying that in a nice tone)Dating isn't a math test or a psychology session. Don't make the conversation seem like an interrogation.

When you are on a date HAVE FUN be a little crazy and/or playful. You are not at an office or in a work environment. So it isn't necessary to always be politically correct.

What you have been doing is telling these guys that, "I want to be your second mom in life." You have also been telling them, "I want to control everything and plan everything!"

LET GO A LITTLE. Lose the expectations.

What you need to be showing them is, "I'm your partner in life and hey, it's gonna be a awesome journey." Also show them, "I'm a WOMAN with mature tastes and I'm confident with whatever life throws my way."

What you need to do for yourself is ask Tristen Ure and Erin Elton if you can go to a social gathering with them. Actually beg them. Then go on double dates with them. Observe how they interact and flirt with guys.

You need to get more comfortable with small/light physical contact. Have you ever danced with someone you just met at a stake dance? It's perfectly acceptable and it just shows you are confident and know how to treat a man right. Holding hands is less contact than dancing with someone. Until you are a little more comfortable with being close to guys they are all gonna think, "This is a date from when I was in 10th grade." I'm not saying kiss every dude you go out with although there is nothing wrong with a quick kiss after you know you like a guy.

IT WILL MAKE YOUR DATING MORE FUN AND GUYS WILL BE ATTRACTED TO YOU MORE. THEY WILL THINK OF YOU AS A WOMAN AND NOT A BEE HIVE.

Last but not least,DON'T LOOK FOR YOUR HUSBAND. Look for opportunities to enjoy life and meet guys in social settings and activities. When I went out with Aubrey I thought she had no interest in me! I was not looking to start a relationship. I just wanted to give this girl an experience that she would never forget and have a fun time. Half a year later I'm holding her hand across the alter.

The best thing that ever happened to me and I got it when I was least expecting it.

I realize you are pretty much done with your TMB experience and it sounds like it was a good one. I think you were great for taking on this role to entertain half of the Mormon population. I have enjoyed watching. I hope you can use my advise for your future dating endeavors.

mariachimike said...

Pete is probably the best guy in the group. Matt "She fits under my chin" would be good too, but in his interview, he wasn't really into her. Maybe 2nd date will be redemption.

Matt Laidlaw's comments are good to some extent. The checklist questions are kind of awkward. I can't imagine going through something like that, being overtly probed and critiqued through the entire date - on camera.

If Ashley is going to take dating lessons from someone, she should take them from someone who has escaped the mid-singles rut and got married.

I suspect the advice would be to
1. Reduce your checklist to the things that matter most.
2. Beware of blaming guys for all your difficulties - "There just aren't any good men out there!" - ask a friend how you can improve yourself - cast the beam out.
3. Attend meetings and firesides and be approachable.
4. Recognize that are more than a handful of guys that will make it to the celestial kingdom.
5. We'll all be old and ugly someday - giving up a quality guy like Pete for a tool-banger with a chiseled jaw, whitened teeth and a six pack would be ill-advised.

Kari Lyn said...

LOVE Matt's advice!

Jill said...

Does this (the above comment "future dating endeavors" mean she didn't pick someone?/it didn't work out? Also, I see what Matt is saying, but I also say be yourself and don't feel like you have to be the flirty/hand holding girl if you aren't like that. I never was...until I met my husband, and it took us about 3 dates before we even hugged...so just be yourself and when you meet someone that is right for you it will all work out.

Paige said...

Ashley, I think that you are doing things just right. It is easy to give advice when you are married and are a self proclaimed "pro" at dating. It is different for everyone and you are doing it just right! Don't change a thing. The right one will come along.

Our Family said...

I agree with Matt. But I am sad she didn't find love!

korth fam said...

I shook my husband's hand on our first date, then he looked at me, like "are you serious" then I asked if I could hug him...he said "please" ha ha we all have our own style, and I say do what works for you! Actually if I were Ashley I would stop reading everyone's comments and do your thang! We are just the peanut gallery

Amelia and Elliott Smith said...

Oh dear, I would hope that the advisory board would give Ashley advice in private and BEFORE all the dates were over! That was a bit uncomfortable.
I agree that she isn't as flirty and out there as the other seasons, but thats her personality. She shouldn't change that just to get married. She was flirty with the few she was acutally interested in. I'd rather her be authentic than fake.
What would begging to hang out with Tristen and Erin do? They aren't married either! Having a different approach to dating doesn't mean she is wrong. Once she meets the right one, it'll all work out anyways.

Julie said...

Thank you Matt! You said exactly what I was thinking...but you said it even better than it was in my head:)

Kim Messick said...

I love this. I'm so glad that my daughter and her roommate had the insight to start something like this. I think this is helping people find out a lot about themselves and a lot about dating. I'm grateful that something like this online show can bring people together and help encourage them to find love. If love isn't found, then that's OK too. Like Ashley said, it has been an experience that she will never forget and that she can learn from. I really like some of these guys and if they aren't a match for Ashley, they will be a match for someone else. It's all a process. A good process. I don't think anyone should judge anyone else for their decisions to date or not to date another. Dating is meant to be a means to learn about yourself and other people in order to find someone who fits into your life. I hope that everyone realizes that this show is not always perfect and doesn't always end in marriage. But this show is a great way to help find love matches, and I support it! Keep smiling Ashley...it will happen for you! And thank you Pete for being such a gentleman! You will find someone great too!

Amber said...

Hang in there Ashley! You are such a beautiful person with a sweet spirit and I know that when the time is right, you will find the right guy. On one hand, it's good to be open to the advice of others, but on the other, only YOU know what is best for you and in the end, that is what is most important. Trust your gut and the spirit and trust in the fact that no matter what happens, this experience happened to you for a reason. I know you're going to come out of this smellin' like a rose. =) Good things are waiting for you!!

russell and joanna said...

Wow, a few pretty intense comments made. I must agree with Amelia & Elliot's comment. Well said in response to the advisory couple's comment - didn't so much appreciate some of the things the Laidlaw's said, and I get it that a few others didn't either. But, I really liked mariachimike's wonderful advice to - reduce the checklist of things that matter most. I think that checklist can sadly really get in the way of dating. Going into dates open-minded is always the best. The Spirit will guide you better. Good luck, Ashley. I'm wanting to see the end of the road with this for you.

Derek Emily and Elliot said...

Ashley has got it going on! She is fun, outgoing, and flirty with guys that she actually likes.

Rebecca said...

totally agree w/ amelia and elliot- that scathing bit of "advice" was VERY uncomfortable and I really feel for ashley that she's having to endure it in such a public venue. i don't think you "need" to do anything differently. be who you are. matt might be attracted to girls that behave like erin and tristen and there are guys out there that are attracted to girls like ashley. as long as we honestly look inward and when prompted to make a change for the better, we do it, then being ourselves is always best. i've been really impressed with ashley in how sincere and open she is, what a great communicator she is, and how she honestly wants to do what is right. ashley- you're doing a great job and you're obviously a great person, don't let the negativity get you down. good luck!

Steve and Erin Larsen said...

Just be yourself. You are such a beautiful, intelligent, spiritual, strong woman and I know that any guy that wins your heart will be a lucky guy. Good luck Ashley!

Julie said...

As a Young Women's President and a mother of 4 daughters, I applaud TMB for giving "my girls" such a great role model. This has been a fabulous experience to see them so excited about a show and a person that is so worthy of emulating! We are all BIG ASHLEY FANS! Ashley- Thanks for being YOU through this whole process and being true to yourself. Noone can tell you how to be. That's what we love about you!

Ally said...

Matt--I'm not sure if you were trying to embarrass Ashley, but you only embarrassed yourself. If you're an official advisor don't you think you should have made your useless comments privately—and why would the staff even have allowed your comments to be posted—what you did lacks any class and professionalism, if you worked for me, you’d be fired!!! I guess b/c you're married you think you're an authority. Every girl is different--some girls simply aren't going to flirt with everyone they meet. I'm wondering how I ended up getting married--without ever learning to do anything you suggested. Also, how is it sage advice to tell Ashley to BEG Tristan and Erin for help--neither of them is married and they are both older? You are clearly still immature and have a lot to learn. I just hope Ashley takes everything you said with a grain of salt. And p.s. you should have at least given your comments a once over b/c your advice contradicts itself on multiple levels…if I had to choose the LEAST INTELLIGENT comment you made, it would be suggesting that she not be looking for her husband (whether this may be generally true)—I hate to break this to a member of the advisory couple, but that is the stated purpose of this “show”. Like I said—you’re an embarrassment.

LAURA said...

Honestly Ashley, you are awesome, maybe a little too great for a reality dating show. I don't like how they chastised you in the video conference for how you "treated Tad", and how they are encouraging you to loosen up and be more flirty. they need to respect you and how you react and respond to different situations. I think you are great.

Suzanne said...

Wow Matt, tell us how you really feel! ;) I don't think any of us are in a position to be telling Ashley what she's doing right or wrong. Only she knows that. Just supporting her can go a long way!

Diana said...

If you're reading these comments, Ashley, I really liked your interview in this video. It felt very from the heart and like you were willing to make yourself vulnerable -- it humanized you, and I could see that you're a really good person. Best of luck to you.

Lyla said...

I cringed reading Matt's comments, especially when he stated that she should beg to go out with Erin and Tristen so she could learn from them - yikes!!!...I felt bad for Ashley that he would post these comments publicly, even if his intentions were good, as I'm guessing they were. I agree that Ashley seemed more reserved and not very flirty initially, but I also think that you can see a very cute, outgoing, fun side to her as well as the season has progressed. I think she should definitely just be herself! Great comments from so many ladies above! Ashley, you seem like an awesome person - intelligent, friendly, and great values! You will find love with an amazing man who will love you for YOU! I've loved watching your dates and seeing things progress. I truly wish the best for you and want to say thank you for opening yourself up to this experience and letting us follow along - you are a brave woman!

Also, I like Pete a lot! Seems like a good, down to earth guy!

Cristin said...

I sense some contention between Ashley and TMB staff. I don't like that the guys are being told to kiss her on the second dates. They should do that because they want, NOT because someone is telling them to. Good for Pete for following his gut on that one. I loved the interview, Ashley. It was extremely honest.

anniebobannie said...

Ashley~ You are so classy. In a world where a lot of Single LDS women change who they are depending on who they like, you stand up for what you believe. You are rock solid in your testimony. I admire you so much. Thank you for being an example. You truly LIVE your religion. That is awesome. I will agree that you could be a little less on guard, but otherwise keep up the good work! You will find someone (RUDD I hope!)

crush said...

Ashley, you are awesome! This has got to be so hard-- harder than any of us know. You are doing a great job and being yourself. We can't expect you to be anyone but that, and yourself is good enough!!! I cannot believe that Matt gave his advice to you in such a public way. If he was really concerned about it and you, you would think that he would do it privately. But here, on the comments? Come on! Also, why are the bachelor's being asked to kiss her? If they feel it and the moment is right, they can go for it, but please! Are we looking for something more like ABC's version where they are already sleeping together by the second date? Seriously, people. This is good, and clean and that is why we like it. Let it take it's course. And let Ashley be Ashley. She is doing the best she can!
Ashley is wonderful and she will find love. She's got an awesome perspective, a wonderful testimony and is a great person. Good luck and we are all rooting for you!

Suzanne said...

I wonder if Matt isn't coming back. He's the one Ashley seemed the most excited about so if she's feeling discouraged, it makes me think he won't be back for a second date...

Annie said...

Is Pete still guilty of a DWJ? Dating without job?

Bekah said...

Nope he's not! He now has a job in Tempe. I know this cause I'm his sister :)

Annie said...

In that case, Bekah, he is my favorite thus far.

Amanda said...

Let me just start by saying, "Ditto" to Amelia Smith's comments. Thank you!
And Matt, way out of line. Perhaps you sincerely meant to be helpful with these comments, but a public forum is not the place for this -especially as an "official member of the advisory board".
You don't need to project your personal dating style/likes on Ashley. Everyone is different and not all guys like an overly flirty girl. It's a matter of timing and finding the right person, not just flirting.

el Duker said...

Ash, you are truly a credit to women everywhere. Keep holding your head up high, girl. You've got class, and more than that, you've got heart.

This is no one's journey but yours. We are just the lurkers and voyeurs who have nothing better to do than watch. Don't take "advise" from anyone other than your truest self.

Thank you for being such a light.

LisAway said...

I just LOVED Matt's "Ashley, you should change your personality to fit the kind of girl I find attractive" advice. Seriously, That was just hilarious(ly ridiculous).

Really? A beehive? HELLO! She is so intelligent and well spoken. Someone who isn't flirty or doesn't hold hands on a second date is immature?

Clearly Matt did not make it through this entire video or he would have heard her make the best possible arguments against everything he put in his comment.

So weird. (but then I'm a bit of a prude and didn't love how physical he and Aubrey were on their dates)